Its been a while since i've last updated here, so i'll makeup for it
with a few posts to catch you up. Hope everything is going well back home, despite the shorter days. Ive been busy here over the holiday with training in Kampala and getting ready for the new term. I should be much busier this term with a few projects starting up: coaching the football (soccer) team, starting the student gov't, and the newspaper staff. Oh and i'm getting neighbors! There's another volunteer from my group who now lives just a few mins walk from me, and there are 4 or so volunteers from the new group moving to my district. Ok, without further delay here goes the catchup posts.
So the introduction:
The director of studies (just below vice principal) at my school is getting married in December and as is customary in most of Uganda, I think it is a bantu tradition, the families must first be introduced, and then the bride's family must agree to give away the daughter. In some areas of the country this is done in two seperate ceremonies (the "introduction ceremony", then "giveaway ceremony"). In the Batoro kingdom where I live, both are done at the introduction ceremony, allowing the two families to come together and meet and agree on a brideprice. I'll try to descibe this as well as I can, and hopefully with the pictures you'll have an accurate picture of what was going on.
I was of course sitting on the groom's side. The two families sit facing each other, with the male elders seated in couches at the front of each group. The ceremony is held at the bride's father's home. In this case it was about 15 km's or so from the school, deep into the bush. We took a small (one car wide) dirt road through the hills further and further from the main dirt road I cling to at the parish. Myself and about 8 other teachers from the school road in one of the minibus taxi's the groom had rented for us. We joined the groom and his family at their house near the bride's and then took our whole caravan of 2 minibuses, 2 cars, and a pickup truck full of beer and soda through the bush roads to the bride's family home (brides family = "bridefam"
from here on out). Here's the back of the pickup truck with all the alcohol etc we brought for gifts (as described below).
On arrival we formed a 2 x 2 line into the family's front yard. Oh I should mention at this point that I am in traditional dress for the Butoro (and a few other bantus) Kingdom, which is a sport jacket and kanzu (essentially a long white robe similar to a church robe). I was definitely not alone, as about 90% of the males were in this attire. So we walked in line up to a small archway on the outside of the bridefam's lawn. I had originally tried to slip in the back of the
line with two of the other younger teachers at the school, but the groomfam quickly found me and put me up near the front of the line. We had to stop at the archway and wait for the family to cut a ribbon allowing us to enter the "home" (or yard). Once in we took our seats, I was in the third row, 2 rows back from the couches with the elders. The first order of business was for the groomfam to request permission from the bridefam to have photographs taken by some of its members. This was granted, so from here on I was able to snap some pictures of what was going on. (btw, i did sneak a couple of pictures before we entered the archway, which i'm pretty sure is legal since we weren't actually in yet).
After allowing the pictures the groomfam's spokesperson (he was an uncle i believe) led the family up to the bridefam seated at their couch to offer formal greetings. The groomfam kneeled down and exchanged the normal back and forth greetings (ie: inquiring each's pet name [mine's amooti btw], asking how they are, thank them for being, etc). Next the bridefam welcomed us formally. This was my first major clue that I was going to have to be much more than merely an
observer of this whole thing. Myself, the groom, his best man, his father, the spokesperson, and the deputy head master from my school were invited into the house for milk. Luckily I was seated next to my dep head master so he was able to translated and let me know when they
were calling on me to do something. We were taken into a small room on the side of the house and offered the warm milk from the bride's sisters and cousins. Umm, not actually from the bride's sisters and cousins, but they just brought it out on a tray. Meanwhile the 100 or so other guests of the event sat outside and waited, including the bridefam elders on their couch. After receiving milk we went back outside and took our seats.
The spokesman then had to thank the bridefam for the milk and offer a gift to thank them for allowing us into the home (ribbon cutting). The gift ended up being a case or two of soda, case of beer, and two calabashes (think huge gourds) filled with locally brewed beer called tonto (an acquired taste if u ask me). On his way out with a few others to get the gifts from the pickup truck, my dep head master motioned for me to follow. When we got out to the truck a few of the men in the family pulled a list of things we had brought and decided on the items mentioned above. They asked which I'd like to carry in and I couldn't pass up a chance to carry the gourd, so I picked it immediately. However, I didn't realize the shear weight of the thing till they had it on my head and i started walking through the long grass and stumps surrounding the truck. I could feel my body drifting back a few times until i caught myself. I really thought i was going to just tip over like an unbalanced bookshelf, but i made it, with minimal soreness in my neck and a new respect for the items Africans are able to hoist onto their heads. Oh don't worry, theres visual evidence of this whole fiasco:
So my deputy took the other calabash and we led the group of 6 into the ceremony. All carrying our beverages on our heads and up to the bridefam's couch where we laid them on a grass mat. This, of course, wasnt enough - so the family had to go out to the truck again and bring more gifts. I didn't have to carry anything the rest of the day, I think they just wanted me to get a chance to do it once. Either that, or they noticed the couple times i tipped backwards a little too far with the calabash and didnt trust me to carry anything else.
This gift exchange happen a few more times for different reasons: gifts for the brother of the bride, more gifts in honor of a baby the couple had some months earlier (they are already married, but only through a civil service), then gifts to convince the father to bring his daughter out of the house, where she had been up until now. After the gifts the father agreed to bring her out....almost. First he brought out a group of about 5 girls that the groom could choose from
instead of having his daughter. Here's the group of girls (yes they are very young) kneeling in front of the bridefam elders. They were facing towards the groomfam.
This was inevitably denied by the groom, and followed with a different group of girls again being offered. This exchange went through 3 groups of girls, with the groom denying each. Finally a 4th group was brought out that included the bride in it. The groom rose from his seat and placed a beaded necklace on the girl to denote his choice. This is all very traditional for many of the Kingdoms in in Uganda. It is practiced nowadays as more of a way of honoring the tradition that the actual rituals, but before colonialism it was common practice as a way of receiving payment for giving away ones daughter. After receiving the
beaded necklace the bride walked over to the groomfam couches and offered a necklace of roses to the groom. Rings were then offered to each the groom and bride, similar to engagement rings.
A cake followed (this point i'm hoping lunch is close behind). This was where i made one of my few (but expected) slipups. This is the first time i had cake here in Uganda at a ceremony like this. Unbeknwencd to me they cut the cake into these little bitesized pieces, because theres usually so many people at a ceremonies and they want everyone to have some. So the custom is for them to bring around the plate and you pick a piece off of it. Unkowingly i fought for a few seconds tugging back and forth with the girl becuase she wouldnt let go of my plate, or so i thought. My deputy headmaster (as i said before he was sitting next to me for just this reason) elbowed me and told me just to take a piece. doh.
Ok, then came the brideprice. This is the big one, the payment to the family for giving away their daughter. The bride's family started with 10 cows, the groomfam offered to give 2, eventually they settled on 4 local cattle i think. We didnt bring any cattle with us, we had a pretty small pickup truck, so more soda, beer, waragi (local liquor), and money were offered for the same amount. Gifts were also brought for the father (a new kanzu) and mother of the bride. After the brideprice was decided on the groom's elders went out to the truck and brought them. For some reason the groom's family slipped up here. A tradition at these ceremonies is to make sure the spokesman's chair is always occupied. In this case the groom's spokesman got up and walked out to the truck, and so did the gentleman who was supposed to hold his seat. So a member of the bridefam came over and sat in the spokesperson's seat. I had to kind of guess what was going on here as my translator was gone, but i verified when he got back and this whole thing was kind of a trump move by the bridefam. When they came back the groomfam had to give a gift (1000 shillings in an envelope) to him to convince him to give back the seat.
After all of this we finally ate. I again was invited in the house with the groom and elders and ate with them. There was so much food, and of course no silverware, as is tradition. So i dug right in with my hands. After the meal the event was over and we loaded back into the minibus and headed home. All and all a hell of an experience for me and something i'll never forget. A lot of the guests asked me to compare this to what happens in America but i really couldnt think of anything that would compare.
